Every news story is suspect today…

April 1, 2007 08:52 – 08:52

I started reading my newsfeeds a moment ago, only to find myself questioning each and every item. What? Is this some kind of April Fool’s Day joke? Consider the top MSNBC Headlines:

  • Urban legends banned-April Fools’!
  • Controversy ad Dunkin’ Donuts
  • Beverly Hills’ Iranian mayor
  • Climate report: ‘Highway to extension’
  • Pope celebrates Palm Sunday Mass
  • Britain considers dialog with Tehran
  • Cheney pokes fun at Bush, Gore

Am I really supposed to believe any of this? Without clicking any of the links, I can’t be sure. But, I’m no gullible fool. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I’m not clicking any of those links. That would be admitting my gullibility. Harrumph!

Speaking of gullibility, according to a Newsweek story published yesterday, nearly half of Americans surveyed reject the scientific theory of evolution. Good job, Neo-Cons! But, you’ve still got work to do. Millions of Americans still embrace outmoded theories of gravity and the idea that rain and clouds are somehow related. We can’t rest until every ounce of belief in such junk science has been extinguished, and everyone admits that each and every event and phenomenon on earth occurs only at the direct will of unseen deities. Only then will the U.S. finally be safe from discredited theories of government such as democracy and republicanism. Only then will we finally be free to follow the dictates of despots who get their marching orders directly from God.

Take that, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, John Adams, and Ben Franklin. Were you foolish enough to think that your silly ideas about government and separation of church and state would last forever? Thanks to the foresight of a few Americans, we can finally look forward to replacing science with religion in our schools and replacing democracy with faith-based government.

Next on the agenda is faith-based mathematics. Calculus, algebra, geometry and other branches of numbers-based math will have to come to terms with the Biblical reality of such time-proven concepts as:

  • 1 + 1 + 1 = 1; and
  • 3 = 1

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