There must be preconditions

October 7, 2008 20:39 – 20:39

So, Obama would not insist upon pre-conditions before meeting with certain other countries, eh? Well, I sure as heck would. Preconditions must be met, or the meeting isn’t happening.

For starters, everyone is completely overlooking the obvious. Before I sit down for talks, there must be chairs. Some of these foreigners sit on the floor, and that’s simply not acceptable for me. So, for me, a chair is a precondition.

There would be others, as well, such as NO SMOKING. I will not be in a room where smoking is taking place. You light, and I take flight.

Also, I hate meetings. So, the meeting could not last longer than 15 minutes or so. I start my stopwatch when I get there. After 15 minutes, I’m out of there.

Also, nobody is allowed to be late. None of this “I’m more important that you are so I’m going to make you wait” crap. If the meeting is set for 2 pm, then that’s when it starts. You aren’t there by 2:01? The meeting is canceled.

Also, no weapons. I refuse to sit down and talk with someone who is armed or has armed bodyguards. It’s simple courtesy.

Also, no suits or other expensive clothing. I refuse to wear a suit, and I expect everybody to be dressed casually. If you show up wearing a necktie, I’m gone. Cutoffs, jeans, Dockers, etc. are all acceptable. But, if somebody shows up wearing something that cost more than the annual budget for Wasilla, they can kiss my a$$ goodbye.

Also… hygiene. It’s a simple concept. If I can smell you, the meeting isn’t happening.

Also, perfume and cologne are not a substitute for soap and water. If I can smell you, the meeting is over before it began.

Also, the bloody word is nuclear. Everybody has to agree to pronounce this word correctly before I will agree to meet. Anybody in the meeting says “nucular”, and I will stop the conversation and conduct pronunciation lessons.

I have other preconditions, too. I just haven’t thought of them yet. By the time I’ve gone over my checklist, however, the 15 minutes and the meeting will be over.

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