Notre Dame “Getting the Hell out of Indiana”

March 27, 2015 10:20 – 10:20

March 27, 2015, South Bend, Indiana. In a move that has caught the State of Indiana off guard, the University of Notre Dame announced today that it will be moving the entire campus five miles to the north—to Michigan. In the wake of Governor Mike Pence’s having signed the so-called “religious freedom” bill, an emergency joint meeting of UND’s governing bodies—Fellows of the University and the Board of Trustees—this morning voted unanimously to move the school to Michigan.

“Michigan’s only four miles north, and we should probably have been there to begin with. With Indiana’s quirky approach to time zones, and a long history of being weird, this move has been coming for a long time,” said a UND spokesman. “Indiana’s new hate law is anathema to the teachings of Jesus, and is the last straw for Notre Dame. In fact, when Rev. Edward Sorin, C.S.C., and seven companions—members of the Congregation of Holy Cross—set up shop in 1842, they thought they were in Michigan. While this move is prompted by the hateful new law, we’re also correcting a mistake of history.”

A large tract of land has already been purchased by UND in Cass County, Michigan, and construction of the new campus expected to begin within weeks. While the new campus is not expected to be completed until the summer of 2016, the academic year 2015-16 will begin at the new campus. “We’ll use trailers and tents for the first academic year if we have to, but we’re getting the hell out of Indiana,” UND President, Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., reportedly was quoted as saying.

Sorry, comments for this entry are closed at this time.